While you're waiting

CONCEPT

I got this from Embeth.

If I were a month, I would be: April
If I were a time of day, I would be: Twilight
If I were a planet, I would be: Neptune
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Sea Anemone
If I were a direction, I would be: East
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: A hammock
If I were a sin, I would be: Blasphemy
If I were a historical figure, I would be: Andy Kaufman, Antonin Artaud, or Paul of Tarsus
If I were a stone, I would be: Pumice
If I were a tree, I would be: A willow, ash, or linden
If I were a bird, I would be: Blue Jay
If I were a tool, I would be: An inclined plane. No. Just kidding. A crobar.
If I were a flower, I would be: Lilacs
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunderstorm
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Cherubim... but only if I got to be like Progonoskes. Failing that, an elf, high fantasy style.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Bongo drum.
If I were an animal, I would be: A squirrel monkey
If I were a color, I would be: Violet
If I were an emotion, I would be: Passion
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Mushroom. Oops. I mean a tomato. Oops. A radish?
If I were a sound, I would be: Distortion
If I were a car, I would be: A 1990 Red Saturn SL
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: P.T. Anderson
If I were a book, I would be written by: Zora Neale Hurston
If I were a place, I would be: Flint
If I were a material, I would be: Cotton
If I were a taste, I would be: Coffee
If I were a scent, I would be: Musk
If I were a religion, I would be: The Universal church
If I were a word, I would be: Occlusion
If I were an object, I would be: A medium-sized branch.
If I were a body part, I would be: Eye.
If I were a facial expression, I would be: Sigh.
If I were a subject in school, I would be: A History of Western Civilization (3 quarters).
If I were a comic book character, I would be: Raphael (the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle).
If I were a shape, I would be: Tessaract
If I were a number, I would be: 8

Take this yourself.

~ Connor