Late August #1: After Ojai

DIARY

I began a series of entries on the last several weeks, when the computer froze up and I lost several hours of work.
Plus, I don't want to cover everything in tedious detail, even though the last several weeks have been somewhat extraordinary.

Instead, I'll try to cover a lot of ground quickly so I can write about now instead of then and get political, which is what I'm feeling like doing.

HOLLYWOOD... the day after Ojai, I wandered Hollywood and Runyon Canyon.
I will post more on this when I have the photos developed.

8/18/2004

"Headache. Blue. In a funk.
"Yesterday (Tues.) Jess and I quarreled incessantly. She's stressed about graduation, finances, and life. I'm irritated to be back in the midwest, specifically Chicago.
"So we sniped at each other all day."

"When my flight got in, the morning had just begun and the sky turned Chicago gray.
"It rained the whole Blue line ride, and finally slackened while I waited for my bus at State and Jackson." It was a long wait because the #2 hadn't started running yet. The people surrounding me we dour and frowned and sulked. "I rode the #6, then walked 57th to Jessica's.
"I gave her the gifts I'd given her."

"Coming down is always its own particular ache...
"Today I took my time waking up.
"I got to the Reg at noonish, and wasted an hour. I'd planned to write my cover letters, revise my resumè and apply to jobs. I visited Jess at work, and browsed extensively at 57th St. Books." The travel section. "I'll feel fine -> shitty -> exhilerated -> shitty -> fine -> blue -> happy. I went to the Med and drank coffee."

"Coming down is hard because up there we have hope. The horizon is far and bright and possible. Coming down, we're mired in reeds and trees. And I don't fairly care to polish my resumè for the 100th time. Whatever. I have to do this shit.
"I HAVE TO."
"As the plane landed, I thought a thought" that startled me:

Now that I'm back, I can go anywhere I want.

"Because I've been here in the past and it meant something to me then. Esemplay." Make it mean again.