Scav Hunt Secrets: Selecting the Scavenczar (aka 'Head Judge')

CONCEPT

There is a vocabulary specific to the Scavenger Hunt. It is succinctly outlined in the University of Chicago ScavHunt ByLaws.

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When a high judge ascends to a higher plane of existence, such as the Peace Corps or graduate school, the Sir Ector confirms the absence of our shepherd by ceremonially cutting three of the Scavenczar's favorite items (an act which would have been met with derision and flogging if the Scavenczar were presenct).1 The Sir Ector then arranges for the Scavenczar's T-shirts to be shredded and seals the original copies of lists the Scavenczar presided over in a manila envelope, and buries it six-feet deep on the 57th Street Beach.

The passing of the Scavenczar is announced by the Minister of Propoganda, who sends an email out to all team captains and University administrators, and calling out the news from the center of the quads.

What follows for the remainder of the quarter is a period of communal mourning. It is not uncommon for team members to meet in informal ceremonies signified by candles, photographs of the Scavenczar, and a Mardi Gras style orgy of beads. Items the Scavenczar approved are paraded about the campus, and many make pilgrimages to Ida Noyes hall to remenisce on the Annoucement of Winners performed by the Scavenczar on Judgment Days past.

Finally, around the time Finals are over, the Judges sequester themselves in the holy confines of the Maroon Offices, though in recent years, there has been a movement to locate this event at Steve's or Kaury's apartment. First, all Judges swear on the only extant copy (handwritten) of the 1986 list (it does exist) that they will give absolute obedience to the new Scavenczar, and that they will not share the details of the voting procedure. Judges who violate this are deprived of the Hot Seat, by which Hot Side Hot cools off, and is Cold Side Cold forever.2

On the first night of this electoral quarantine (a "conclave," if you will), the Judges typically get wasted and watch The Hunt, followed by Top Gun or various combinations of the Muppets Movies.

After a hearty breakfast of eggs and grits the following morning, the Judges begin the process of selecting a new Scavenczar. There are three ways in which this can occur: epiphany (everyone agrees, all at once), assignment (a number of delegates equal to the number of years scav hunt has taken place come to an agreement), or plurality. The first two are ridiculous and will never happen. The third is a simple plurality with the quirk that the pending Scavenczar must vote for somebody else.

Conditions for voting are that judges must have successfully passed Trial by Ovaltine, and at some time or place made a purchase using a fake I.D.

Ballots are handed out in the form of coasters from Harold's Chicken Shack.3 Three judges are chosen to count the ballot. Then, each Judge writes their choice for the new Scavenczar. Once they have voted, they fold their ballot in half (coasters are on cardstock, and not very flexible) and carry the ballot to the counters between the right thumb and index fingers with the palm upturned; in other words, as a Team Captain is likely to carry a list into his team's HQ. The Judge drops the ballot into a stein, which he then upturns into a Viking helmet. Each Judge promises that he has voted from the heart; may he now be rewarded in the stomach, and then trades the completed ballot for a slice of Cholie's pizza. He pumps his fist a couple times and returns to his place.

After the ballots are cast, the first reader puts on the Viking helmet and dances around to mix up the votes. The second reader then counts the number of the ballots, to make sure there is one for each Judge present. The third Judge reads them aloud before burning them in a recycled fumerama.

Voting occurs four times a day until a new Scavenczar is elected. Whenever there is an inconclusive vote, the Judges play taps on the harmonica so that team members amassed upstairs at DOC can tell that the process is ongoing. When the judge is elected, however, the judges blast Teena Marie at such a volume that the electricity in Ida is blown out, and all the students watching the Matrix Reloaded upstairs are plunged into the darkness of deception.

It is now the duty of the Scavenczar elect to make several important choices, such a number of superficial changes to the bylaws. The Minister of Propoganda steps up into the candle-lit haze of the Ida Noyes lobby and announces "We have a Scavenczar!" The new Scavenczar then step forward, offers three cheers for each team, and proclaims "The Hunt Will Go On!"4

~ Connor

1. This is actually a humane adaptation. The tradition until 1999 was for the former Scavenczar to get hammered on the Hunt's account, and for the other judges to hammer the former Scavenczar right back.

2. In fact, it is said that any team to which a fallen Judge had contributed is eternally doomed to lose. This has been put forward in past years as an explanation for the precipitous fall of the Shoreland, whose Tom Howe has engaged in all kinds of perversions and debaucheries. Yours truly is, at this moment, cursing both Mathews House and the F.I.S.T.

3. The miscreants of 2002 substituted napkins from Ribs N' Bibs.

4. Until 2001, tradition was to drive the new Scavenczar about Hyde Park in a Winnebago before team captains carried the Scavenczar to the top of Rockefellar chapel for moonlight seranade from the teams below. Once again, Tom Howe brought an end to this tradition through his aforementined excesses.