Friday, April 24, 2009

Event: David Letterman, the trenchant observer.



Monologue, as captured via the New York Times Laugh Lines blog:

How about those Somali pirates? So they bring one of the pirates to New York City so they can put him on trial. But he will also be doing some other stuff. Like, tomorrow, he’s going to ring the opening bell at the stock exchange. Friday he’ll be on “Rachel Ray” making Clams Mogadishu, and he will be the starting pitcher for the Yankees. Monday, he’ll be on the “Today” show singing “I Dream a Dream.”And Monday night, he’ll be sleeping with Madonna. That’s the full schedule.

But the Justice Department says they want to make an example of this Somali pirate guy. And I thought, really? In terms of making an example, I don’t think you can do much better than shooting the other three guys in the head.

And oh, speaking of things like that, classified documents that were recently released show that Dick Cheney, who a couple of years ago went nuts and shot a guy, ordered Khalid Shaikh Mohammed waterboarded 183 times. When do you suppose Mohammed caught on and said, "I know this is just horse play"?

But anyway, they waterboarded Mohammed 183 times, and thanks to the information they got from this guy, via waterboarding, we were able to capture bin Laden.

President Obama has kind of a happier outlook on torture. He says instead of waterboarding terrorists, he’s going to put them in dunk tanks.

But Dick Cheney is now criticizing President Obama, and he’s saying that his recent actions around the world are "disturbing" and "not helpful." Yeah, yeah, things were so much better when Cheney was president, weren’t they?

Do you remember Eliot Spitzer, who was governor of New York? He had to stop being the governor of New York because he enjoyed prostitutes. Well, now, he’s talking about running again for governor in 2010. He also said he’s looking forward to spending less time with his family.


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2 Comments:

Anonymous Nicky (Absolute Vanilla) said...

There is a view that says the Somalis are protecting their coastal waters from overfishing and toxic dumping - and given they have no coastguard that might be plausible - but somehow, even if that's how it started, or what some of them are doing, the rest seem to have got just a wee bit gung ho.
I suppose the thing that really needs to be looked into is the reality of Somalia - you know, the big picture.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Connor said...

Hi AV,

Good points, and I agree with you 100%. I don't think that piracy is, at this point, any altruistic effort to protect the waters or territory; although it is striking to me that these attacks are so seldom fatal to hostages.

The piracy is a symptom of a larger problem. If the U.S. or any other nation wants to put a permanent end to incidents like these, they're going to help to address the root cause of lawlessness and poverty in Somalia. (Of course, Operation United Shield demonstrated that this wouldn't be a "run in, whack people, run out" type solution.) So I don't really know what they should do next.

4:08 AM  

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