The Obsession with Telling

DIARY

it as it is...


Jeff Danziger

from my Journal:


8/26. 1 PM. Kopi Cafe.

"I've been appt. hunting all day... The reader (sic) doesn't come out until tomorrow. :(
They're playing Radiohead."


8/31. ~4 PM. Premier Yachts Co.

"THURSDAY. Night. Jess and I showed Mr. J. Millennium Park."

"FRIDAY. Jess' graduation. Her parents came, so we freaked about how to [get everyone tickets].
"Speech. Very bolitical. >:( Boring. :( Etc. |o But she graduated and we were so proud. It was Connor, Caitlin, mom, dad, Jess, Mr. J., Becky, and Bill. We went to the Med. Got pizza, then talked a long time. Drove Becky and Bill to the METRA then Mr. J., Jess., and I tangled w. traffic back to Hyde Pk.
"I got us pop at the Coop. Went back to Mr. J's Ramada, and drank pop while Jess swam. We talked politics. Mr. J came out and we all talked some more. Inside. Pop. Monk. Talk.
"Jess drove me back to McKinley Park."

"SATURDAY. The Keep, by Elisabeth Blair, chapters 1-11. And tea.* Then. Dragonlance on the ride out to Bill's family. We stayed late. Ish. 4, 5 hours. It was a great night. A nice ride back to Chicago."

"SUNDAY. I got the goods for roleplaying and the party. Roleplaying was cancelled. I was irritated, then got in a huge phone argument. ... I cleaned. Jessica came over. Hallie arrive. Sam arrived. Then Colin and Nora. Then Ed and Carmen. We drank, ate burgers, and tortilla chips. Played Werewolf and Taboo. Then all left but Sam, and we talked and went to bed."


9/7. ~5:45. On the Red Line.

"Blinking is thinking. Blinking is thinking. Last week.

"MONDAY. Sam and I called and checked out 3 apartments. 2 in Edgewater and 1 in Rogers Park. In the evening... cleaning?"

"TUESDAY. Sam and I applied to jobs all day. Updated resumès, rode the Orange Line, got copies and coffee, and applied at Barbara's Bestsellers, Broadway in Chicago, and the Lego Store, finally yachts. Sam got the job, but I didn't apply. We called and got the apartment [we wanted]. It was nice, albeit "roached." Edgewater Beach. We walked along the beach. Made 2 trips to/from McKinley Park. Then Sam took me to Hyde Park, and we hung, watched School of Rock. Role-played. I made Incan food."

WEDNESDAY evidently disappeared into the void. I think I might have spent the whole afternoon cleaning in McKinley Park.

"THURSDAY. 1 more trip. Dealing with bugs. In the morning, blog and job apps and electoral-votes.com. In the evening, beer, de Roaching, and playing Worms. Got Colin's truck. Working 'til 4 AM. McKinley Pk. Sam helped. We ate at the Archview."

"FRIDAY. Cleaning appt. w/o enough time. I got there a few minutes past noon and scrubbed hard 'til past 3. :( I WAS LATE! Picked up, packed up Jess, tho' the appt. in McKinley Park wasn't completely clean."
"I like Jess' studio. We moved her futon in and I met her crazy cool landlady. The interior of Scholars Corner is Pink and Black. Jess is happy about the exercise room. There are lots of trees outside, and 20 feet to METRA tracks, whereas Sam and I can hear the Red Line powerfully."

"On Thursday we climbed up on the roof [in Edgewater Beach] and surveyed the neighborhood. Our beer. And haze. Late summer is always bittersweet. Because it's all just right, and we don't want it to end so soon.
"I like worms. It is a fun game.
I like Werewolf."

"We (Jess and I) returned Colin's truck [and I forgot to turn off his lights, killing his battery], and finally went back to her Drexel place. After awhile Elisabeth picked us up. We left Chicago by - the - back - door.

o o o

The ride to Michigan went fast.
"It usually does with company.
Jess slept early on. Elisabeth and I talked about Tea and the Keep. Got to Michigan. Talked about music (?) politics (?) what? We stopped for McDonalds in southwest Michigan and Jess woke up. Started talking. ...


9/8. ~8:05. St. Thomas. (Waiting for the 8:30 Mass...)

"We got back to Flushing circa midnight, and the house was filled with those bursts of energy I love. Or not bursts... continuous light and noise. Different voices. It was Elisabeth, Jessica and myself, my parents, Caitlin and Craig. Elisabeth got some coffee, then left shortly, and soon after, the others headed off to bed. I slept in cody's room. I discovered his Aphex Twin CD I got him, but no cord for the player."

"SATURDAY felt eventful, though it doesn't seem to be in words. Jess, mom, Peg, and Caitlin went out so that Jess could try on wedding dresses. I stayed home and worked only and on my blog. Dad mowed the lawn. At 6ish they got home, and I had to sit and watch Four Weddings and a Funeral and My Big Fat Greek Wedding But at least there was pizza."

"Afterwards, Jess and I drove home, then went for a ride into Flint. Flushing to Chevrolet to 2nd to zip about downtown. Actually, no. We took Flushing to MLK to Court to 2nd to East Village. We parked where Sue's house is south of Court and walked down to Woodlawn Park. She mentioned the eerieness of the one white streetlight, but I shared my memories. I pointed out the bridge over Gilkey and showed her the outline of the big oak tree before the passage to Burroughs. ... We discussed telling ourselves in the past and the future what our lives would be like, and what were the important parts."

(Later. 1:15 PM. Red Line.)

"I twirled her around on the grass just off the path, and it was cool and the wind blew. We walked up the low, wooden stairs amidst the trees, and down and up some streets. Lynwood. Gilkey. Back to the car. We rode home. I stayed up late, reading about the election. Coming up. Went to bed about three."

"SUNDAY. Got up tennish but didn't get to the Ren. Fest. until about noon. Jess, Caitlin, and I stopped at shops, circling the Eastern half, and then the west. We caught the Zucchini Bros. show at the Crown stage. Of course, I was overwhelmed. The place is a visual/aural/olfactory feast. All drawn and decadent and populous pre Labor Day to the tune of 20,000. Incense. Cicadas. Laughter. Shorts. Dust. Literally heaving bosoms. I remarked several times that 'I don't normally feel threatened by breasts, but..." Spice. Flashing banners. Sparkle. Straw. Mud. And so on."
"I met elisabeth at 2 at the Childrens Dell, and we grabbed coffee, then met up with Caitlin and Jess. We spent most of the day wandering form and trying to catch shows we (mostly) couldn't hear: Rick Rock. Ded Bob. The Joust. And shopping.
"The Festival has gone Far Down. The shows declined. Fewer street characters. No Academy. A greater age seg regate. Even the shop-keepers seemed more clannish and business-minded than I remember. Am I dressing it down? I took pains to objectivity. The people are still there... there is still great appeal, even at $17 a pop. But the place is tangibly less "fun," more mercantile.
"Still, we sat in Sky Chairs, listened to Door Harps, looked at privies, ate, drank, and privied. Looked at fancy weapons by the Tree Top. It was here that"

9/9. 4:48. At the Bryn Mawr McDonalds

"Wasn't sure if I should come here. Then, Man on the Moon played, and I knew."

"I learned from a program that people I knew did work at the place. Brian Spurling. I went on a hunt to find him. I finally did, but it involved trekking all about the grounds and then he called me a bastard. Soon we caught up with Chris Jones and Todd. They were so in costume and in character, and freaked out meeting Jess. And Ryan jumped on me and we talked and swapped emails, and Jess, Caitlin, and Elisabeth laughed and the cannon exploded. We walked the long walk back to the cars. I raced Elisabeth, my wheels vs. her feet, but she won. And we drove North into the September haze. We stopped at McDonalds in Grand Blanc for drinks. Because we were so thirsty. And Elisabeth followed me along Hill to 23. And then we went home."

---

"And here we are in Chicago, and everywhere is poignant.

---

"After just a bit I got in the car and from Mt. Morris 75 to Dixie and down to Camp Jellystone and snuck in. Down to the fire. I felt awkward, but talked to a girl named Kim and Steve arrived with his wife and new daughter and I was given a cider, and everyone was shocked to see me."

"{I was there because while singing, we met Trevor, who directed us to Steve, who has a manor in Lansing and is rolling in the dough. He invited us out, but only I came.
"{It was gray, that twilight there. All in all the Festival didn't look that different. But dark later on.}"

"They sang Herbie the Worm
Shine
and Connor's on the Fire"

"I. Junmped. Over the fire.
Steve tired. Left. Shook hands.
Then Chuck spat fire about 20 minutes.
Just as I began to meet someones, we had to leave.
Driving. Wending. Like Vertebrates backwards. I get it now. I know why I work on Vertebrates now.
'Everything was dark.'
I
... have
... ... shivers.
"I finally turned off Saginaw at Coldwater. Got gas. Got home."

...

MONDAY "Jess and I had a nice visit with Grandma Coyne. Got [Jess] shoes.
"Caught Elisabeth and we rode cross state via Grand Rapids to Holland. Visited my Grandma Mascroft. She gave us some money for dinner, but we got tangled up in Holland on the way out. Played games: 20 questions and Death is Not an Option. And we stopped to let Jess out, and I was tired back in Edgewater.
Life returned..."

"TUESDAY. Two days ago, but I barely remember a thing. Helping Sam with the couch to the hall. Then... ah yes! We spent noon - 4 finishing cleaning up in McKinley Park. I gave Jerry my keys and he gave me my $600. Said he was sorry to see me go. But the South Side has crumbled, while the North Side is fresh. Or something like it. Not merely diverse... integrated. And pricey. >:( SUCK! And bigger than you thought. We got back. Gave up on the cough. 6. Rode the bus to Jess'. Meridith is gone now. It was weird, I said. In the end, after fish, corn , and stuffing, Jess felt tired and ill. I read her Dragonlance.
"Yesterday I did job stuff at the Reg. First I went to Daily Mass at St. Thomas (the night before, Jess and I walked to Dunkin Donuts to get me a coffee and Mary a muffin. September!windy!cold! Watched a Gilmour Girls repeat. Then Dragonlance.
"The day was off to a good start. I walked and talked with Janet. She's got a new job now up by me.
"After Reg I took the train back home (stopped at Divison to deposit my cheque) and unpacked, or rather, papered my walls the rest of the day, with breaking trips to Dominics for tape, scissors, and Bourbon. ~ 3 PM. The sun setting, playing Worms with Sam, Jess visiting, more of the same, and a trip to Dominics for more tape and Walgreens for more cellophane at 3 AM. Played Wormed with me. And slept by 6:45.

"Got up TODAY 11ish. Called off my interview for [a job I don't want]. Showered. Left. To the internet cafè where I emailed and blogged, but mostly applied to more jobs. Left ~4. Saw Sam's note that he has bomberd the apartment because of the roaches (no exterminator 'til 9/16). So I can't go in 'til 8."

"Which is why I'm at McDonalds."

. . .

"There I'm caught up.
And I just noticed that
I'm not tired!
I'VE
FINALLY CONQUERED
SLEEP!"

That took me through about 10 days ago.

And I don't really need to go into these past 10 days in detail.

1) I've been applying for jobs hardcore.

2) Fending off hate-mail from Canaryville residents. It's strange. There've been several who've supported me strongly, and I think a lot of the hate comes from word-of-mouth. They site factual errors, which are probably reasonable objections, but I think what they're really angry about are my opinions. I know what it feels like for one's home to be called a "shithole." But I can't change what I feel. And if they listened, they'd know I'm not calling their home a "shithole." If they listened... Anyway. I don't get paid for this. And I'm not getting published yet. My self-respect is about the only thing making the endeavor worthwhile. I won't tolerate rudeness. I'll have conversations instead, and only.

3) Killing roaches.

4) Unpacking. Readying my room.

5) Going to church again. Jess and I had a lovely dinner with Tom and the two Michaels.

6) Working on the wedding.

7) Working towards graduate school

8) Volunteering for the Kerry campaign (see next post)

And that should just about cover it.