Blue Skies are Falling. Part 5.

DIARY

One compromise we should not brook.

One compromises, all the time...

* * * * *

I had such hopes for Monday. I was going to work on my NaNo novel, do the laundry, clean, restart (for the 11th time) my Bible studies, read for Euphemism. And so on.

I didn't.

Last Tuesday, last Wednesday... last week was so discouraging.
Then, Friday night was a brief high point.
For the rest of the weekend I wasted my life. I barely made it out of bed on Sunday.

It's not just the one thing. It's many things. I missed the deadline of the first grad school I was applying to. I called in sick on Friday. My sleep schedule was all fucked up. On Monday, though, I was going to be productive.

I wasn't.

Instead, I did three things; very important.

1. I bought the new R.E.M. album, Around the Sun.
2. I watched Farenheit 9/11, but only the first twelve minutes... through the end of the credits.
3. I beat Castlevania III

Sometimes, when I'm dripping with emotion, I need to just soak it, to just soak my mind in the stuff, the bittersweetness of any loss in life... because I ache to think that life is worth so very much... so much that any loss causes great pain. Soaking, like a warm bath, like the muscles in your calves on a day when you've walked many miles.

Monday was wonderful.

I played all the way through the tower and causeway levels, both with some of the best music ever composed for an 8-bit system.
I listed to the Mazzy Star strains playing through that crazy, snake-eating-its-own-tail of a movie.
I drifted in and out of sleep, and chose a favorite song...

I wanted to be wrong.

To be continued...